Leaned back in your chair with knees bent and feet propped on your desk, you showed him exactly how you liked it, each subtle movement which pushed you closer to the edge. Whimpered moans as Jack instructed you to grab that tiny, silver bullet from your dresser. Wandering hands, fingers slipping casually underneath clothing, watching as the other did the same. Most days, admittedly, didn’t feel like “trying.” They were natural, and sexy, and conveyed so much longing. But you had mornings, and mornings never felt quite right for such sensual confessions. In the dead of night, you wanted to nuzzle into the crevice of his neck and unload all of your deepest secrets. You craved pillow talk, lusted for intimacy. You each held both the burden and the blame. But then, it was just as much your fault as his. Part of you resented Jack, just the slightest bit, for pulling you in knowing the limitations. While you rationalized the differences between your budding romance with Jack and your fading comradery with Evan, sometimes it felt like you simply traded one form of loneliness for another. Soon you could hold each other in arms and pretend your relationship was normal, and not a long-distance secret, barely fooling an attentive fanbase clever enough to piece the clues together.īoyfriend…The emotions you felt for Jack were strong, but there were days…days where it was too much to be alone. Still, it was not like you to request a visit for your own selfish needs, knowing the cost and recognizing the toll it took on your livelihood to do the same. He had the means and justification of visiting more often, especially as he worked more closely with Mark on their Cloak brand. The expense of visiting Jack was too profound to incur with any frequency. There were whole portions of Jack’s life which you could never experience or share together, friends you would never meet, and small jealousies of those who had the luxury of spending time with him one-on-one. Pulled in many directions – conventions, personal ventures, outings with friends and family – the absence of a physical partner grew more profound. Fueled by the excitement of your blossoming romance, it was easy to devote time to chatting despite the time difference and your busy schedules. So much excitement enraptured the early moments of your building relationship that the sudden and inevitable separation felt like an undue hold on the momentum you had so rapidly built. As weeks passed, bittersweet tears accompanied the parting of each call, waiting for the screen to go black to spill freely. You tried to bury the isolation that you felt with each farewell, but it returned day after day, growing stronger with time. A warmth that you just couldn’t convey through your webcam, and a soft, reflective silence hung where a sensual touch was simply irreplaceable. But there were moments during your calls where a screen just didn’t suffice. Years of operating on separate schedules from Evan left you accustomed to independence and a certain level of solitude. While you missed Jack, his memory and touch lingered so fresh in your mind that, at first, you could cope with the distance. Every few days promised a skype call too, and that was alright. Sure, there was some moderate variation, but for the most part you were a slave to your routine. Breakfast, calisthenics, shower, record, edit, upload, update, dinner, read, bed, rinse, repeat, over and over and over. As you wasted away your hours laying in bed, you couldn’t help but think how empty it felt without Jack by your side. So, while you felt forlorn at parting ways with your charming Irishman, you also found great relief in arriving stateside.Įager to recover from jet lag, you allowed yourself a day of rest before heading back to the daily grind. You missed your own bed, your personal space, your career. Breaking your routine created an anxious panic that made relaxation terribly difficult. In all your travels, a sense of homesickness wound into each enthralling activity. I just needed to get something out to motivate myself, and help draw this fic to a close. Summary: Budding feelings for a visiting friend call you to examine a crumbling relationship as you teeter on the precipice of wanting so much more.Ī/N: Sorry for the brevity of this chapter.
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